


dead girl in the pool.

by idonthavelungs



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24797257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idonthavelungs/pseuds/idonthavelungs
Summary: So here he stands, outside Spencer’s door, debating if this is even the right decision. Before he can talk himself out of it, he knocks, feeling the regret as soon as his knuckles leave the wood.Or; Spencer's been distancing himself so Hotch goes to check on him and instead ends up comforting him.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Comments: 6
Kudos: 168





	dead girl in the pool.

**Author's Note:**

> Love my dumb bitch beta, Jamie <3

There's a certain level of coldness that comes with this job, it gets hard to care about every victim when every phone call comes with more dead bodies. Aaron understands how draining compassion can be, but _this_ isn't okay, Spencer’s shut himself down, he seemingly just stopped caring. 

It's been noticeable for months, the already weak words of comfort he once spoke to victims and their families had completely disappeared. The avoidance of gratitude when they rescued someone was becoming more and more obvious. He only ever rejected invitations when the team wanted to celebrate something. By now the whole team’s concerned, barely seeing Spencer anymore is taking a toll on everyone. 

So here he stands, outside Spencer’s door, debating if this is even the right decision. Before he can talk himself out of it, he knocks, feeling the regret as soon as his knuckles leave the wood. It's not very late, but it's not exactly an appropriate time to be knocking on his subordinate’s door to tell him he’s doing something wrong. 

The door swings open and Spencer looks wrecked, he's clearly tired, and upset, his eyes rimmed red. His fingers are clenching at the door as if it's a lifeline, he clears his throat awkwardly, “Hotch, what are you doing here?” His voice is small and shaky, his fingers continue to squeeze the door, pale from the pressure.

“The team has some concerns about you,” Aaron lets his eyes take in Spencer again, internally cringing, “ _I_ have some concerns.” Whatever’s going on with Spencer isn’t what he’s seen at work, but they’ve been off for two days now, he probably only bothers to look presentable for work.

“I’m fine, Hotch,” Spencer sighs, releasing the door and moving to the side, “but I know you won’t be dropping it anytime soon, so come on in.”

As Aaron enters the apartment his instincts to survey every inch of it kick in, it's actually clean, but only because there isn’t much to be disorganized in the first place. There’s a large bookshelf on one wall, absolutely full of books he knows Spencer knows every word of. The rest of the apartment is pretty bare, a few photos of the team on the walls, the basic furniture, a stack of paper on his table, but that's it. Spencer gives him a look that says _no inter-team profiling_ and Aaron stops his brain from continuing its mental map out of everything. 

Spencer gestures to the couch and Aaron sits, Spencer also sits, but at the opposite end with as much space between them as possible. Being calm and collected is something he’s learned to be good at, but right now he feels everything but calm, his skin is crawling and he can't even pinpoint why. The silence is surrounding them, making the world feel heavy, Aaron opens his mouth to just say _something_ , but Spencer speaks first, “I’m not using if that's what you’re thinking.” It sounds so broken, it's the first time Spencer’s ever admitted it to him straight out.

“That’s not what I was thinking, but Reid, _Spencer_ , something’s going on and you can't just pretend you’re fine.” Aaron manages to finally find that calm and keep himself steady as he speaks to Spencer.

“I know how to deal with my own problems, I don’t need you here to be my therapist.” Spencer’s still quiet, but the emotion in his voice is too easy to hear.

“I’m not here to be your therapist, I’m not even here as your boss, I’m here as your friend,” he has the urge to reach out and touch Spencer, but ignores it.

Spencer makes a sound, almost like a laugh, “That’s just it, Hotch, you’re not my friend, you’re my boss and that’s it.”

Aaron’s heart jumps and not in the good way, Spencer’s words cutting through his whole body. He gazes at the side of Spencer’s head, hoping for some eye contact, “I care about you Spencer, I want to help with whatever this is.”

Spencer finally looks up and meets Aaron’s eyes, his cheeks are tear-stained and Aaron just wants to wipe those tears away. “I thought maybe if I stopped getting so invested in cases, it’d stop hurting so much to lose people,” he sniffles and Aaron moves closer on instinct, putting a hand on Spencer’s knee, Spencer doesn’t even seem to notice, just wiping his eyes with his sleeve and continuing, “I thought I could make the cravings stop. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I’m always following logic and something always goes wrong, I just wanted something to work.”

Against his better judgment, he reaches out to brush Spencer’s hair behind his ear, it's what he always did with Haley, a gentle grounding touch. Spencer's gaze flickers, looking to Aaron but never settling. “Are you talking to someone?” Aaron asks, keeping himself from doing anything else stupid.

“No,” he sighs quietly, “I still go to meetings, but I stopped talking about it with JJ eight months ago.”

“You need to talk to someone, Spencer, this isn’t healthy.” Aaron feels stupid as soon as the words pass through his lips, as if Spencer doesn’t realize that. 

“I’m talking to you,” Spencer smiles weakly, tears forming in his eyes once more, it’s a picture that makes Aaron’s heart twist.

Aaron reaches out and grabs Spencer’s hand, running his thumb over the pale knuckles, another thing he used to do for Haley. Spencer’s eyes are wide, staring at him with an expression Aaron can’t quite make out. At this point he can’t do anything more destructive, he presses his lips to Spencer’s fingertips for a brief moment, “If you need to talk please come to me Spencer, you need to take care of yourself.”

Spencer nods, seemingly unable to speak, his mouth opening and closing with no sound escaping. He leans into Aaron, face pressed into his shoulder, one of his hands comes up to stroke Spencer’s hair without any thought. Spencer sniffles, burying his face in Aaron’s shirt.

He mumbles something, Aaron can feel his lips moving, but can’t understand it. He makes a questioning hum, prompting Spencer to lift his head enough to meet Aaron’s eyes, “Thank you.” 

He’s about to say something, but forgets it when he sees Spencer glance at his lips. He doesn’t even care about what he was going to say when Spencer’s lips meet his, soft and short, the most Aaron’s felt since Haley. Spencer’s cheeks start to turn red, Aaron kisses him once more before his face is right back in his shirt. 

The way they’re sitting is surprisingly comfortable, so when Spencer’s breathing calms and his body relaxes Aaron can’t find it in him to care, Jack’s with Jessica right now anyways, he can stay the night. 

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos appreciated <3


End file.
